


yellow

by JForward



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 08:00:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23847826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JForward/pseuds/JForward
Summary: She could feel each wave of trembles as they overwhelmed her, curling in smaller and smaller as she knelt, every part of her giving into it. Grief. Washing over every part of her, a million hands ripping her heart to shreds.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	yellow

  
The sound of crying was echoing. Her shoulders were hunched in, great, heaving, gasping sobs escaping her lungs. The TARDIS had dimmed itself so low that the whole place was barely visible, as she curled into herself, more and more. The tears dripped onto the grating, taking a staggering step, before legs completely gave in. Pitched to the floor, the gasps only got worse, kneeling on the metal. Her shoulder braced into the console as her head fell back.

Hands were clawing, now, wrapping around a tiny torso under her coat, digging nails into the fabric. Half-apologies were falling between the gasping sobs. She could feel each wave of trembles as they overwhelmed her, curling in smaller and smaller as she knelt, every part of her giving into it. Grief. Washing over every part of her, a million hands ripping her heart to shreds. She coughed, struggling to breathe properly through the way it hurt. But she knew, she knew she had to feel this. It was what she deserved.

All those she had abandoned. All those who she'd left behind, and destroyed, and changed. All those lives that she'd taken, all the lives that could have been lived without her in the way. She grieved for them. She grieved for the children of Gallifrey. She grieved for her own children, knowing they had burned with it. She gasped, again, coughing, choking on it. The tears still fell until her face was stinging with it. All her fault. Every one of them, every single one. The TARDIS hummed alongside her, reaching out to her mind. A million different timelines, all of them converging around her.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, feeling herself running out of the tears. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." she had nothing more to give, energy fading. She would do anything. Anything in the world, to make it better. But she couldn't take it back. She couldn't take back the damage, she couldn't take back the death, she couldn't take back every single life that she'd snuffed out.  
She was so tired. Half sobs, now, into silent tears, shaking and struggling to open her eyes. Through the puffiness, the lights of the TARDIS twinkled and sparkled, like a million stars above her. The whole universe. She let herself go limp, slowly, sniffing occasionally, the grief slowing and easing.

Wrapped up in her coat on the floor, the Doctor slipped into sleep.   
She dreamed of the stars, twinkling so far above, and hope.   
She dreamed of love, and kindness, and she dreamed of a million souls singing out across the universe, promising her there was still goodness.   
The Doctor slept, and for once, the universe was gentle.


End file.
